It’s an epic tale. Most women are familiar with it. Pants. One needs them. But dreads shopping for them.

How is it that I can be a size 10, 12, and 14 all in the same day?

Why can’t they be sold according to measurements? I mean really. Waist, hip, length. How difficult is that?

I didn’t come home empty handed, however. Though it was pretty gruesome near the end when I couldn’t find a pair of jeans that neither came up to my boobs nor failed to cover my arse. I wanted jeans. The kind made of denim (with no space-age stretchiness). I thought Levi’s would be pretty reliable, but no. And I detest shopping through a display of stacked jeans in cubby holes. There are far too many variables (size, fit, waist height, darkness of wash, etc.) to be able to rummage successfully through those piles without spazzing out.

After several stores, and only a few tears, I finally ended up with a pair that were only slightly stretchy (so I’ll forgive them that), fit ok in the waist (still a bit too baggy in the back), mostly contains my ample rear and thighs of steel (though they may be a bit too tight, at least nothing’s hanging out), weren’t too short… so, they’re okay. Not exactly what I was looking for, but they’ll do for now.

I also managed to score a few other pairs of pants for work, which is good. A pair of way-too-stretchy “denim” capris (I hate to actually use the word, when I think they’re mostly spandex or whatever), a dressier pair of capris, and a couple of pairs of trousers (one fairly casual, and another more dressy). And I got a few tops to get me through the rest of the warm weather, but are fall-ish in fabric and colors.

All in all, not a bad day out, considering I shop only twice a year. Oh, and I finally found a purse I like. I popped in to Claire’s (ugh, I know) to try to find sunglasses (I lost my only pair in Colorado), but found this brown corduroy and plaid and tweed deal. It’s big enough to hold my lunch, dinner, planner, and other purse essentials, but isn’t huge, and isn’t that lame tote bag I’ve been using all year. So, yeah. A good day out. I feel a bit dirty having spent money on clothes, but I was looking a bit shabby, so I’ll try to not feel too guilty over it.

I did resist buying these, though, which was a bit difficult.

Hopefully, the next time you see me, I won’t be ungracefully hitching up my pants.